OK. Working from home, it is easy to get distracted and sleepy during the day. One is always too near to the bedroom, which conveniently has a nice bed and a TV, not to mention 
A/C. Sleeping at 1PM does not make for a progressive day, so sometimes it is necessary to get a quick jump-start. Red Bull (sugar-free) can be my best friend. So are Lo-Carb Monster and sugar-free Sobe Adrenaline Rush, although these two are much too big to drink all at once. But I digress.
Seeing as how I have finished a whole case of Red Bull in too short of a time to be healthy, it seems the only thing to drink is coffee, iced or nothing. Since I have no clue how to work a coffee maker, I figure the next best thing is to attempt to use the stove-top espresso maker.
Well! It would appear to be pretty simple, put the water in the top, coffee in the middle filter-looking part, screw it all together and put it on the stove. Supposedly, the water would drip thru into the bottom part and then I would have fresh coffee. 
All very simple, except I had it totally backwards, putting the water in the wrong place. When the espresso-maker got hot enough, instead of fragrant coffee steam, the water and coffee grounds started bubbling and spraying boiling water and coffee grounds everywhere. In a panic, and sensing imminent coffee-pot explosion, I grabbed it off the stove and flung it on the counter, then jumped back to avoid being burned. A loud pop and the counter-top was irreparably scorched before I managed to push the offender over to the edge of the sink, where it gurgled itself out. Needless to say, I didn't even need the coffee anymore with all this excitement. So I covered the scorched counter-top with a pretty little tea towel and backed slowly away from the kitchen.
Now I still can't work because my interest is piqued. I consider myself reasonably smart and pretty handy in the kitchen, so how the hell did I manage to create such a mess? I found the answer on eHow.com, a go-to site for pretty much anything for which you need instructions. Using legit directions, I tried it again the next day and it worked perfectly. Well, besides me hovering around the edges of the kitchen being apprehensive of getting a face full of hot coffee. No accidents and it tasted like... Folgers since we didn't actually have espresso in the house. Splenda it up and ice it down and it was all good tho.
Below are directions on how to use this little machine. It is most popular in Europe, where it is a part of most coffee-drinking households. You can buy ground espresso, use regular coffee or grind it yourself, just remember that espresso is a finer grind than coffee.
DIRECTIONS TO USING A STOVE-TOP ESPRESSO MAKER
- Note that a stove-top espresso maker is made of three parts. The top part is the kettle, the small middle piece is the funnel and the bottom is the water base.
- Wash, rinse and dry all parts.
- Fill the bottom part, or base with filtered (good) water to just below the steam
valve, which is the small hole on the outside of your base, near the
top. Do not fill the base with water past this hole. Water content is
dependent on the size of your espresso maker. If you have a 12 shot
maker, you must make all 12 shots, even if you only want two.
- Fill the coffee filter with espresso grounds. Place the funnel into the base and fill it with your ground espresso. It should completely fill the filter. Level the grinds, but do not pack them.
- Screw the top part, or kettle pot tightly onto the bottom (base). At this point the kettle should be empty and dry.
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Place the espresso maker on the stove and heat on medium to medium high heat. Don’t be alarmed when you hear gurgling or steam spray, this is normal and means that your machine is working properly; forcing fresh espresso into the top kettle. I
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After about five minutes, the gurgling will stop and you can check on it by carefully opening the lid away from you. The top part (kettle) should be full of fresh coffee. Do not lift the lid if you still hear gurgling, as the coffee may spray out.
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Use a pot holder to immediately remove the espresso maker from the stove top using the handle. The whole thing will be very hot, so do not touch the metal part. Simply pour out your espresso, and enjoy.
LINKS:
http://www.ehow.com/how_4422585_use-stove-top-espresso-machine.html
